Don’t weigh yourself after an eating day like yesterday.
Just…. Bad idea.
Let me be whiny.
I haven’t even been at work yet two of my twelve hours and I am wanting to scream and throw myself off the side of a building. I was supposed to be at one of my home clinics today, but late yesterday afternoon I got a text asking me to come all the way out to the boondocks clinic and suffer through an entire day of work instead of just seven hours. I wouldn’t mind working the extra hours—I could certainly use the money—but this clinic sucks the soul out of me. It is so slow and miserable and the people who work here aren’t the most intelligent of individuals. Or at least that’s how I feel. (please no one ever figure out where I work because I feel like I could be in a large amount of trouble for this!)
I was supposed to get up this morning and go with my sister to a bootcamp that we got invited too—but I was cramping so much through the night and had such a migraine that I couldn’t possibly coax myself up and out the door. I texted Shannon and said I wasn’t going, only to lay in bed attempting but failing to sleep and feeling miserable that I skipped a workout opportunity. I am supposed to do 40minutes of cross training today, so I guess now I’ll just have to fit them in at the gym when I get off work. Which sucks, because that means I won’t be at the gym until at least 10:30—and that is if I got straight from work to there. These are just the sacrifices we make I guess. I’ve been pretty bad this whole last week with my workouts—only half assing them at most and not feeling great about doing them at all. EXCEPT that cycle class Shannon and I went to on Thursday. That I rocked.
My van is dying—as in just turning itself off whenever I am idling. Not every time, but its done it three times this week. It has over 155,000 miles on it, and I have been pouring about one to three thousand dollars into it every three months because issues keep coming up that demand to be fixed immediately. I can’t afford to keep this thing running anymore—and while I could absolutely afford the payments on a new car, I don’t think I can get a loan on my own and I don’t have anyone to cosign for me. Since I nanny primarily and babysit on the side—my claimed income is much lower than what I actually make, which makes it look to the bank like I couldn’t really afford the payments on a car. Which sucks. So I’m not sure what is going to happen on this front. Hopefully something will get figured out soon.
I know this is just a lot of venting and random updating on my end—none of it all that interesting—but I’m sure I’ll be back to do more of it today. I am having to type so I’m not just bored sitting here staring at the computer screen!
Time Capsule of Thoughts
The other day I saw one-twenty-five's post that referenced her “time capsule of thoughts” and I thought it was really interesting. Not even two years ago my beliefs, goals, and ideas were completely different from what they are today— and while I would personally call this “progress” I'm sure it will be interesting to look back and see what I think of them in a few more years. So I thought I'd follow her template and write out my own:
On my body
I love my body. I’ve never been a person who really lacked confidence, but I can tell you the amount of confidence I’ve gained since losing the weight that I have is insane. Not only from the weight loss, but from the abilities I’ve gained. Three years ago training for a half marathon would have been way beyond my reach— I really love seeing the changes in my body both in the mirror and in my capabilities. I love the way I look; I feel sexy in clothes and in the nude and I just really feel like I’m one hot lady.
I used to be a really big cynic when it came to the love department— but seeing as I’m celebrating my two year anniversary with Cody this month, I’d say I’ve come around. In a big way. In a “oh my god doe eyed and in love and you’re perfect and soul mates” and all that good stuff way. It is amazing to me that a person could exist who just clicks with me so well. We understand each other so well, and have the same goals for our relationship— which is amazing. It has been like this since day one— just easy and relaxed and amazing. I love that man! I admire him and he makes me want to be a better person for him. Its just great. Although, a lot of hard work!
Its not for me, to put it simply. I was brought up a very strict, traditional catholic— but after seeing all of the bitterness and hypocrisy within that faith I was really turned off from it. I understand how amazing religion can be for some people— and I understand why believing in God would make peoples lives happier and easier, but it just isn’t something I need. I can’t get behind the idea of a god who would allow the suffering, bigotry, and hatred there is to exist in the world. And I am not afraid of the unknown, so the idea of an all-knowing god isn’t a comfort that I need either.
I call myself a libertarian but I think that is actually really inaccurate and I should probably update my identification. I am extremely socially liberal— as in, I don’t think the government should be in anybody’s business— but I also think that people just shouldn’t be shitty to each other. When it comes to economics I’m pretty conservative— which puts me at odds with my social beliefs, haha. I’m kinda just screwed in that aspect. Basically: pro-choice and for equal rights for everybody.
I am excited for life right now, although I feel like I am stuck in a transitional period forever. I am graduating from school with an associates this spring, and then moving on to my bachelors and eventually my doctorate. I am a psychology/counseling psychology major with a course focus on human sexuality. I intend on being a sex therapist and sex educator— and I am starting an at home sex toy party company in the coming months, which is exciting. Cody and I are looking to move to the next steps in our relationship, which is great. I just really love where I’m at and where I’m headed. i feel like I’m in a really good place right now.
A “first cycle class” haiku
I can’t feel my legs
I’m dying sweating crying
God it’s amazing
Whhhhy did I just agree to get up for a 5:45am cycle zone class??
filledwithsweetness and I are going to be
dying rocking it first thing at the gym in the morning!
It’s going to be hell, but I bet we’ll feel like badasses when it’s done!